iāve been inspired by the person who said if they got 666k notes they would practice self care. so ya know what? iāve been in a spiral of depression for months so if this post gets 1 MILLION notes by the end of 2023, i will start taking care of myself and actually try to battle my depression and live my life. (this is never going to get 1m notes yall HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA)
hey everyone another person who is going to get blown up.
You know, I hope OP gets the help they need, butā¦
This is a very bad way to do it.
This is a way to not take responsibility for your own care, and also to cause extreme guilt in others who may not want to reblog but have anxiety or mental illness that suggests they are now responsible for OPās wellbeing and bad things will happen if they donāt. Itās a guilt trip on steroids, basically.
I realize I also am reblogging this, but Iām hoping OP will realize this is a cry for help better directed at a professional than a bunch of internet randos.
Ahhhh, nothing quite like introducing an American to the Northern Territoryās āC U in the N Tā tourism marketing campaign and watching their face engage in a slapdash performance of every emotion known to man in the span of about three seconds
This is a sample for those not familiar:
Donāt forget South Australiaās Go Down South With Your Mouth
Sometimes I forget that I really am pretty weird and my experiences are fairly far afield from ānormal.ā
This girl who I vaguely knew from the coffee shop showed up one day and said she thought her mom had died that morning and I figured she was probably overreacting so I said Iād go check with her and it turns out her mom HAD died but we honestly werenāt sure when it had happened so I lifted her off the bed and attempted CPR and then ended up having to talk to cops and this poor girlās family for HOURS as she called her dad and brothers and the cops wanted to know if the mom was on any medications or if she had been depressed and I was like āI have no idea, I had literally never met the lady and I donāt even know the familyās last name, the first ever full conversation I had with the daughter was this morning.ā And apparently THAT was super suspicious or something.
So anyway that was a rough day and the next day I go into the coffee shop and the manager (who is basically never in) comes over and says āDebbie says you had a rough day yesterday.ā And I was like āuh, yeah. It was pretty weird.ā And then he was like āDebbie says that you handled it really well. And that you filled out an application to work here a couple weeks ago.ā And I was like āI guess?ā And he was like āOkay you can do a training shift today and youāre on your own tomorrow. We donāt normally hire people under 21 and we donāt normally hire regulars so donāt fuck up.ā (I was 18)
So I started working at the cash-only coffee shop that was patronized exclusively by the weirdest people in town (who had all slept with each other, had no money, and had the most drama of any group Iāve ever been part of) and was used to launder money made by the ownerās cocaine sales for the local gang.
The first shift I worked alone was the next night and when I called the manager and told him one of the regulars had been chasing people out of the parking lot to sell meth the manager told me to ban him so I was like āHey dude, manager says youāre bannedā and he was like āYouāre a fucking cunt and Iām going to wait until youāre alone and Iām gonna fucking kill youā and then he drove around the block about twenty times and screamed ācuntā out the window every time he passed by where I was cleaning the patio.
One of the regulars, who was a nearly-seven-foot-tall hacker and gunsmith who worked graveyard in Hollywood, waited around for me to finish closing and then offered to drive me home because otherwise Iād have to walk three miles alone and there was that whole ācircling meth dealerā thing going on. I decided to take a chance on getting a ride from tall, dark, and scary and that paid off pretty well because itās been fifteen years and Iāve been married to that tall weirdo since 2011.
Everyone who hung out at this coffee shop was in some way or another the weirdest person Iāve ever fucking met.
Like the evidence she presented for āI think my mom died this morningā was āShe didnāt wave to me like she normally does when I was leaving the house and it didnāt strike me as odd until just now.ā
Like thatās why I agreed to go check, I was really pretty sure she was just being paranoid and needed some mental health support not some āOh god Iām sorry your mom did actually just die and I need to coach you through a 911 call and hold your hand while you tell your dad over the phone that his wife is deadā support.
But then again her mom had been dead for. A PRETTY LONG TIME. By the time I got there. Long enough for blood to pool on the lower part of her body, which I didnāt realize until after Iād moved her off the bed and attempted CPR because the room was very dark and also lined floor-to-ceiling with stacked newspapers and magazines so I didnāt really see what we were dealing with until the girl opened the curtains and I realized that her momās face was half green and purple with pooled blood. (I, uh, maybe sometimes still have nightmares about this because the whole thing was note-for-note like a scene out of Se7ev except for shit like her boyfriend and his roommates showing up to comfort her and also hauling along a cat carrier full of very pissed off cat which wasnāt like a scene from Se7en it was just an additional layer of surreality on an already very surreal day - said boyfriend also yelled at me for saying I was going to call another coffee shop regular to come get me because āthis family doesnāt need this kind of chaos and attention right nowā and I was like āyou brought three people here and also I donāt have a car and Iām miles away from home so unless youāre calling me a cab I am getting THE FUCK out of here and this other coffee shop regular is the least likely to cause a sceneā)
So thereās a very reasonable possibility that this girl was very, VERY aware that her mom was dead but needed to go get somebody to help her process this and understand that it was real because fuck it, I can see having a little bit of a mental break and needing to GET AWAY and get another, potentially saner, human to verify before I started really internalizing what had happened in that situation.
But still, I donāt know how long it takes for blood to settle in a body or what the sleeping arrangement was with mom and dad but daughter and I got to the house at around noon, sheād come to the coffee shop at around 10 (we had to spend a long time convincing her to call momās cell phone and the house phone and then convincing her to go check and she wouldnāt go alone so thatās why I went) so if mom died in the night I donāt know why nobody noticed until at least 10am.
Anyway then the girl and her boyfriend showed up at the coffee shop later that night and she said she wanted to talk about LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE so we distracted them by talking about the best way to shave genitals and, protip, donāt use clippers on your junk.
One time one of my coworkers came in to open and somebody had broken into the patio and moved all the furniture to the perimeter to better frame the giant stinking shit theyād taken in the middle of the floor.
This coffee shop was the only place Iāve ever had to come in and clean tampons off the ceiling.
At some point our coffee maker just stopped working so one of the shift leads brought in his grandmaās Mr. Coffee.
That same shift lead once randomly shut down the coffee shop all day because he needed help editing his chapbook because heād gotten a contract with Crown Publishing. That same dude skipped out on paying rent for his apartment for like three months because every time the owner came by to ask him for his rent his answer was āFuck you, I saved a babyā because heād saved a baby from a fire. Eventually that was his answer to every criticism and it was still relentlessly charming until he became the night manager of a Dennyās and then it was just kind of sad.
My elementary school DARE officer came in at one point because of āsuspicious activityā because cops were always coming in for suspicious activity to see if the regulars had left paraphernalia out because one time somebody literally left a three-foot-tall bong set up next to one of the potted plants on the patio. I was like āoh shit, you were the DARE officer at my school, sorry for smokingā and she was like ādonāt worry about it, Iāve been an alcoholic since my girlfriend left me.ā
I went to a school TWENTY FOUR MILES away from this coffee shop. This was a SMALL shop. In a stupid, shitty suburb that nobody goes to. This wasnāt a coffee shop that had ever been on Californiaās Gold or made the news or been featured in a āBest Coffee Shops Youāve Never Heard Ofā article. So Iām at my school TWENTY FOUR MILES away, in a totally different county, and I mention to one of my classmates that I work at this coffee shop and he just goes āHoly shit, so you know where to get good drugs?ā And I was kind of offended but he wasnāt wrong and I had actually blown a guy in the back seat of the Good Drug Dealerās car. (Unrelated to drugs, it was basically pity oral) (and not that the Good Drug Dealer was a good guy compared to the shouty meth dealer, just that he was the one who sold the Good Drugs)
There were twelve WLW who hung out there regularly and we all had the worst lesbian sheep problem and somehow the fact that none of us could get our shit together and fuck each other did NOTHING to prevent the kind of āIāve slept with all your exesā drama that you expect out of insular queer scenes which culminated in a confrontation that ended like six friendships. Turns out Debbie had told the manager about my adventure with the body because Debbie thought I was cute and that worked out well for me because I thought Debbie was cute and we made out, like, twice but her girlfriend lived with her literally less than a hundred yards away and wasnāt open to a poly arrangement so instead me and Debbie were just cuddle buddies and weād nap in the lounge in the back of the shop where everyone else either fucked or did unimaginable amounts of blow.
When the coffee shop finally shut down the owners just told everyone that it was closing for four days for earthquake renovations and when we all met up to hang out in front of the shop the next day (because we were all fucking losers and had literally nothing else going on) we found out that the owners had changed the locks and thrown all the shit weād left inside (CDs, a couple backpacks, paintings, ashtrays, board games) into the dumpster along with the broken coffee machine and theyād shattered every single bottle of torani syrup in the place on top of the pile. The only Chumbawamba album Iāve ever owned came out of that dumpster covered in butterscotch because fuck it, I wanted a souvenir and I wasnāt about to take Sheryl Crow.
I miss that coffee shop like youād miss a lover you left behind.
Everyone imagining this with the fast food reaction meme was imagining it in the wrong direction.
I was at the coffeeshop in the village and someone asked me how my llamas are doing, and a woman overheard and told me that when she was a kid, her parents used to have a couple of llamas in their sheep farm, and every single sheep in their flock imprinted on one of the two llamas. Each sheep chose the best most charismatic llama according to mysterious sheep criteria, and never wavered in their ovine loyalty. Each of the two llamas was worshiped by a small sub-flock of devoted sheep who followed him everywhere like Jesus’s apostles and only left their field for transhumance when led by “their” llama. The funniest thing is the way this woman overheard the word “llama” and immediately came to sit next to me to tell me this, like she had waited since childhood to share her bewilderment about the two religious congregations of sheep led by rival llama prophets in her family farm.
When websites go “oh actually you have to use our app to view things on mobile now :)” evil. I will simply not do the thing now. Fuck your app.
Not to be confused with when you open a link in the Tumblr app, that then takes you to a Tumblr page and tells you to download the app you’re already using.
You are a supervillain who has just captured your rival’s child. Rather than being afraid, they’re begging you to let them stay.
Frankly, you’d known those idiots had had a kid for years now. You’d pretended not to, because while you’d committed a lot of atrocities in your life, you weren’t willing to face the moral quandary of whether you would knowingly kill a child just to spite its parents.
They probably thought they were being clever though, what with the blaming you for an injury you knew damn well you’d never given keeping one of them out of commission for a few months, then references to what they would ‘leave behind’ or ‘could not follow’ when in the latest death trap. One of them had accidentally pulled a pacifier out of their utility belt once, and tried to pass it off as being prepared for any young children they came across while rescuing.
Idiots.
Still, you had standards. Standards that fell somewhere past war crimes and before common decency, but they were standards.
A Tiktok by mx.deran. One person plays two femme characters.
Green top says, “We need to protect women’s sports.”
Floral top replies, “Yes. We. Do.”
Green top looks surprised and says, “Wait, what?”
Floral top says, “We need to fight for these women to receive equal pay as their male counterparts.”
Green top says, “No, I mean-”
Floral top says, “It’s obscene that women don’t receive the same funding, resources and media coverage as men’s sports.”
Green top says, “Well, uhhh-”
Floral top says, “Not to mention the fact that women and girl athletes face so much racism, sexism, misogyny…”
Green top jabs with their finger and says, “… but trans people are…”
Floral top says, “Nope. I’m gonna stop you right there.”
Green top is silent but their subtitle says, “*doesn’t even watch women’s sports*”
Floral top says, “The actual science and statistics show that trans people pose no threat to sports.”
Green top says, “But but but”. Their subtitle continues with “my transphobia” although it isn’t said aloud.
Floral top continues with, “… And if you are only activated to show up for women athletes when it involves attacking and ostracizing trans folks - and specifically trans children -then you don’t actually care about women’s sports … you just hate trans people.”
Green top looks shocked with their mouth open. Their subtitle says, “*transphobic codfish*.”
Floral top drops something like a microphone as their subtitle reads, *touchdown or whatever*.
in the next batman movie selina is back in town to con bruce wayne which he knows but he missed her so much and obviously he can afford it so he just lets her
she reveals she’s robbed him and he’s like oh that’s fine lol if you needed money you could have just asked :) and writes her a check for a million dollars and asks when he can see her again and she’s like dang this guy is insane??
he was terrified she could never love him for bruce wayne meanwhile selina’s like okay edgy badboys are OUT rich himbos are IN but its the same guy
she expects batman to try to stop her at some point but he never does so she concludes that he just really hates bruce wayne for some reason which makes him all the more attractive
batman realizes she’s falling for bruce for real and he’s not even jealous he’s just like “you really like him? 🥺 that’s great 🥺” and selina’s like wtf
anyway she sneaks into bruce’s study or whatever to crack the safe hidden behind the painting and it’s full of roses, jewelry, bruce’s blank checkbook and a little note asking her to dinner. he thinks that this is normal behavior btw
